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Ramblings

Chapter 3 : Reclaiming me....

5/8/2023

17 Comments

 
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After 27 years of active parenting, 28 years of marriage and 40 years of working (mostly in service to helping others feel better and connect with themselves) - I am taking a break...a midlife gap year (or two), to fill up, recharge and satisfy my appetite for adventure.

In September, I will not only be an empty nester, but I'll also be flying the coop myself.  Our cottage by the sea will have a loving caretaker, a small amount of things will be kept in storage and I will be trading in keys for a backpack and hiking shoes.  My soul longs to commune in old growth forests, to lay out in the outback under a star studded sky, to breathe in the majesty of rugged mountain ranges, to drench myself in the sounds of the jungle and to soak up the wisdom of those ancient ones who live the principles of a regenerative lifestyle.

Every ending brings the gift of new beginnings and each bring a blend of fear and excitement.  I'm walking away from a 21 year career that has been financially stable with great benefits. It's a little scary to walk away from the security that that offers. I'll be travelling to the far reaches of the planet while my daughter dips her toes in her first year at University. Will she feel abandoned by my wanderlust? Will both kids get so used to me being physically absent from their lives that they won't want me around when I return? What if something awful happens to a family member and it takes me too long get back?

I have spent many years longing for the freedom to travel again. I spent the decade of my 20's working and travelling in different parts of the world. It was such an enriching, formative time. And now I have a window of time - while my daughter is in University, before my mum and step-dad need me around more and before potential grandchildren arrive - to go and explore the far flung places I didn't get to visit the first time around.

So many of us, especially women, get caught up in the day to day rhythms of motherhood and work (whether in the home or out in the world). As nurturers, we tend to put everyone else's needs before our own and after a couple of decades of that, we can start to lose pieces of ourselves...and wonder as the kids leave the nest, "what now?". It's a question I have explored deeply with many women; particularly a fabulous group of women who came to a retreat in Costa Rica that I co-led with a beloved friend and colleague.

If I think of my life in chapters, I think of Chapter 1 as my childhood and young adulthood (to about 29/30 yrs). Chapter 2 is from 30 to late 50's - that's when I was career focused, married and raising a family - a wonderful nesting phase. And now Chapter 3.... The ending of a marriage, motherhood as I have known it and career as I have known it.  There is a wonderful blank canvas ahead and I am fortunate enough to have the tools and paints I need to paint this next chapter in ways that excite and delight me.  It is time to reclaim the parts of myself that I have put on hold, time to do all of the things that make me feel alive - it's chapter 3, time to reclaim me.

How have you reclaimed the parts of yourself that you have suppressed or put on hold? Can you relate to this question "What Now?"  What makes you come alive? What are you most curious about? How do you want to spend this next chapter of your life?

17 Comments
Faith
5/8/2023 07:59:39 pm

I wish you a wonderful year full of adventure and joy. You are very brave to do this , you have my admiration.
For me , the future , I don’t know, I guess I don’t have much of one left, but in the mean time I find joy in the successes and accomplishments of my children and grandchildren and the simple things in life, like the return of the hummingbirds two days ago. I am ver fortunate to still find that your uncle still fills my life with joy and love, we are indeed very lilcky.

Reply
Kerri Howland
5/9/2023 03:11:33 pm

Thank you so much Aunt Faith. I think finding joy in the simple things - seeing the extraordinary in the ordinary is such a powerful way to live. You are indeed very blessed❤️

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jason michael gasdick
5/8/2023 08:09:22 pm

What an exciting and amazing turning of the page. Wow! You are a force of nature. Please do send me updates or let me subscribe to your grand adventures!

I am just on the other side, buying a nice house to renovate in the woods with my spouse of 25 years. The change from out city to woods may be too much for our union. On the other side of the coming year of renovation I long to travel again.

Please do know I am rooting for you always Kerri!

Good Qi!

jason

Reply
Kerri Howland
5/9/2023 07:49:26 am

Thank you for your kind words and well wishes. Wishing you well with your renovations and life in the woods...great qi!

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Jenna Mae
5/8/2023 10:26:56 pm

Kerala,

You are not only a philosopher of life's great questions (what now?) but a curator of its great adventures. You have loved and lost, nurtured and sacrificed, tended to all who needed tending in your orbit to the best of your abilities. You are a living example of "no excuses," and "it's never too late to live your best life." I am inspired by your huge and wild heart, and your love of life.

I cannot wait to travel this journey alongside you, if only through your posts. The courage you possess to honor your soul's longing will fan the flame that exists in the hearts of many kindred spirits who stand tentatively at the threshold of their own great adventures. It has already had a huge influence on my life. For this I am deeply and forever grateful.

🙏❤️💪

Reply
Kerri Howland
5/9/2023 07:48:09 am

Bowing to you my beautiful friend. Thank you for this x

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Hartley Watlington
5/9/2023 03:42:55 am

Bon voyage, Kerry...all the very best going forward as you journey deeper into the blessings of life , liberty and the pursuit of happiness....for blessings they are indeed.

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Kerri Howland
5/9/2023 07:46:56 am

Thank you so much Hartley.

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Betty
5/9/2023 12:13:48 pm

What an awesome and adventurous and beautiful post! I read this twice. It’s like poetry. I’m excited for your journey. Wishing you the very best as you reclaim whats yours!

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Kerri Howland
5/9/2023 03:08:25 pm

Thank you so much Betty!

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Sally Stainton
5/9/2023 01:15:37 pm

Kerri that’s a wonderful idea and I know you will absolutely love it. Your kids will surely join you for holidays and will be pushing you out there to do your thing, please keep me updated so I can dream! Lots of love Sally xxx

Reply
Kerri Howland
5/9/2023 03:09:49 pm

Thank you gorgeous Sally! Yes to hoping the kids will join me and glad to have you aboard for the ride!

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John
5/10/2023 02:50:09 am

I am always with you on your adventure on some level. I wish you many eye opening moments and am so happy for you. I am sure it wasn’t an easy decision but you went with your heart that I know for sure. I look forward to hearing about it. Enjoy the adventure! Love you❤️

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Cynthia Kirkwood
5/12/2023 12:26:02 pm

And so it is! My beautiful friend! The voyage you’ve been dreaming of is about to begin and I’m with you all the way. Kerri, I’m so in awe of you, your vision, your powers of manifestation, your stamina, resilience, beauty, healthy self awareness and humour and honesty, wisdom, creativity, your generous heart…. in AWE! Always. Can’t wait to read more of your blogposts.

Reply
Kerri Howland
5/12/2023 06:57:18 pm

Thank you my beautiful friend. Love you so much xoxox

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Dawn Fox
5/13/2023 04:09:59 pm

Dearest Kerry,
You have been such a gift to so many of us.
How wonderful that you have set this time aside for yourself and your own fulfilment. No one deserves it more.
Sending love always
Dawn xo

Reply
Kerri Howland
5/15/2023 09:03:28 am

Thank you so much Dawn ~ sending love your way.

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